Strange Assumptions about Goth Parents

I had a weird encounter yesterday. I was standing in line at a store in town when I saw someone I went to highschool with and started a conversation with her. Her mother was with her and started asking the usual questions: where do I get my clothes, purse, all the "Goth stuff," etc. Ok, fine.

Then she asks if I dress my son in "gothic" too. I explained to her, in a polite and approchable way, that Zach picks out all his own clothes and that while, yes, he does tend to choose things of a spooky nature, he wears other things too.

Then came the weird part.

She says "I bet he goes to school and tells everyone, 'my mama's a witch!'".

Yeah.....cause that's funny.

Two assumptions are being made here: first that I would make my child dress like me, and second that he would see my choice of outfits as "weird" like everyone else does.

1. I am actually different than a lot of parents in letting Zach choose all of his clothes. I've see many that I know choose things for their child because they felt it was cute or what the child might want. This decision made with a heavy dose of what the parent thinks, not the child themselves. Children are little people, they have their own wants and likes and to stifle that because "you" don't like it or don't think it's cut enough is simply scary.

2. My child does not see me as weird, my child does not see me as a witch; this is because I have taught my child to be appreciative of difference and tolerate the views and options of other people. So he knows that not every one who dresses in black is a witch, nor is any one who is different from him somehow bad or scary.

Sorry about the rant, but I had to get this one out there: do any other alternative parents run into these situations? What has been the worst assumption made about you?

Sunday Outfit

What I wore to Church this morning:

Dress: thrifted

Shrug: Burlington Coat Factory

Tights: Walmart

Heels: Iron Fist from HT

Don't know why I tend to look pink in camera phone pictures, oh well.

Skeletion hand baret: spencer's

Check out what my husband and son wore over at Gothic Christian Ministry!

Outfit Post

Stripy tights make me feel like a fairy.

Ruffly top: Walmart

Skirt: Goodwill

Tights: Target last Halloween

Halloween Goth, someone else likes it!

Scrolling through Goth Confessions I found this!

source

Yay Halloween Goth! I would like to think it was this awesome blog and this post over here that inspired this amazing confession, but then my ego implodes and I realize I'm not that important. Love it anyway, someone thinks like me!!

(For those of you smirking, no I did not post that confession to make myself feel special, I'm special enough without telling myself I'm special, thank you.)

For those of you that haven't noticed, I'm extremely goofy and random.

That is all.

Depression and Anxiety Disorders

Rather serious title I know, but this subject has been striking me lately as I see more and more people, online and off, dealing with these issues. What I'm seeing a lot of in particular is a fear of living up to the Goth stereotype, which could lead to not seeking help.

I have an anxiety disorder. Before I sought help, I was constantly nervous to the point of not being able to do anything, failing classes because I felt I could not do the work, and having panic attacks on an almost daily basis. Now, anyone who has ever had a legitimate panic attack will tell you that they are not fun; you literally feel like you are going to die.

I did not seek treatment for about two years after it had gotten really bad. I thought I could handle it on my own; it had nothing to do with fear of what the doctor would say, but I had a weird thing about being on "happy pills". However, it got to the point that either I was going to seek help or end up in the hospital from a heart attack or something, so I finally went to my doctor and was first prescribed antidepressants for both anxiety and depression.

The pills had minimal effect, but my doctor kept upping the dosage instead of trying something else, until finally I began to have thoughts of suicide. This had NEVER happened to me before, and it scared me so badly that I stopped taking the meds and found a different doctor. My new doctor listened to me a lot closer than my pervious one had, and told me that I had an anxiety disorder that had nothing to do with depression, and the antidepressants had actually made me depressed. She then prescribed me a pill specifically for anxiety that has sense stopped the panic attacks and helped curb the everyday nervousness.

I say all that to say this: I was asked if I had began dressing in a Gothic manner before or after the symptoms started. I had expected this, so it did not jar me very much. However, I have read some accounts from people who have much worse experiences with their doctors or counselors, in effect telling them that the way they dress contributes to or is the root of the anxiety or depression they are experiencing. From hearing these accounts, I worry that fear of being patronized by a doctor may be keeping some Gothy or alternative people from seeking help (or continuing to seek help) for their conditions. This should NOT stop you from getting help. If you think your doctor may not be giving you the best care because of some misconceptions about your appearance, go to another doctor.   

source: Goth Confessions 

Maybe this post is just for me, but here are some tips I've picked up in dealing with anxiety and doctors:

1. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Depression and severe anxiety are not problems that are going to go away on their own. Maybe you can seek counseling instead of medication, if the idea of being on pills is not a good one for you. If you are nervous about the visit, bring someone close to you with you for moral support.  My sister came with me to my first ever anxiety-related appointment.

2. Pay close attention to how your doctor treats you. I had problems with my first doctor; she didn't seem to be listening to me as attentively as she should have. Now, the office was very busy at the time and they had a lot of patients, so time was limited. My new doctor has less patients than the previous one and therefore has more time to really listen and ask questions about how I am feeling. If you feel that your doctor isn't listening properly, seek out a better one.

3. Don't get offended about questions regarding your appearance, particularly if you have never seen this doctor before. Doctors are trained to look for differences in behavior related to metal illness, so be prepared to have a question like mine. However, if your doctor assumes or insinuates that being a Goth is the cause of your depression, go find another one with some common sense.

4. Take your meds. I know that seems like a stupid thing to point out, but an antidepressant or anti anxiety medication is not something you can skip doses on. Think of it as like a medication for seizures, don't miss it.

5. Be very aware of how your meds are making you feel. Finding a proper medication for your specific need is a process, not all medications work the same way with everyone. What might have worked for a friend or relative isn't necessarily going to be right for you. Be conscious of your moods and reactions, and if any thoughts of suicide come up - however brief - stop taking the meds and go to your doctor immediately! If your doctor isn't available, go to the nearest ER, they have counselors available for just such a thing. 

If you suffer form depression, anxiety, or any other emotional disorder, and you also happen to be a Goth, the two are not intertwined. Being a Goth has nothing to do with being depressed, so don't feel as though you are a bad stereotype. It is more important to take care of yourself than worry about what other people may think.

Halloween Sock Haul!

Hi there! Sorry for my absence; I've been uber busy with the house, Zach's school, my school, and the car insurance people, but I did manage to do a tiny bit of shopping, and I'm in a bragging mood.

Yay new socks!

I love the eyeballs! I'm wearing them right now.

Stupid Drivers!

Sorry I've been gone, this is why:

Yep, I was in a car accident Tuesday morning. 

Headed down a two-lane highway that cuts through a stretch of woods, and this car decides to pull into an abandoned house's yard to turn around by backing out into the highway. I came around a blind curve, and....well, my car isn't so pretty anymore. 

What upset me the most is that I've only made two payments on this car. Is there some weird voodoo surrounding new vehicles that make them attractive to bad stuff? 

Anyway, I've been working with insurance all week long trying to get the car fixed. I'll be posting more soon; I've already had a Halloween haul, and the house is almost ready for pictures!

Please send out positive thoughts to me so this doesn't happen again.